i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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