My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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