When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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