The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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