Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My balls are so social today.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
