Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
