theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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