under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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