It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
