Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
