my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
