girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
These tits shall not be calmed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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