She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
