I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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