It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
