the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
