I got chris browned last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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