i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
