Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
