Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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