nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
