I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
