Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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