So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
