All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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