K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
