You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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