it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
