At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
