He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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