its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pants are for mortals
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
