this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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