She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so much tequila, so little girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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