i just had sex bonerless
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
