i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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