my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
