wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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