i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
