Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's like iHOP with fire
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
