WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
