Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
