my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
