its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His nipple licking is glorious
the raccoons are back...
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