I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
