I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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