Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
