I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
