Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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