we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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