i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
