Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
