I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
