Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
