For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
