I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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