I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
