She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
