They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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