Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
