Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
