I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
