So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
