were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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