Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
