I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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