i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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