DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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