I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
